No need to be sorry with sore eyes

Who's afraid of sore eyes? That's me, my daughter Ariadne, and my wife Em.

By Anthony O. Alcantara
When you have sore eyes, some people avoid you as if you have leprosy. It recently happened to me. But I’ve come to love it.

Here are some advantages to consider:

1. It’s the easiest way to tell people you don’t like to get lost. “Hey, I have sore eyes.” “Really? Oops, I think I have a meeting at the other building. Bye.”

Or you can just stare at them for 20 seconds. Now that’s an artful way of sending the message. It’s like having the perfect insect repellant, especially effective against enemies endowed with annoying proboscises, generally used for sucking, and who emit irritating noise, which, to you,  vaguely resembles human speech.

2. You get to buy a new pair of sunglasses or shades. If you have one or a few pairs already, having sore eyes gives you the license to buy a new pair. That’s cool.

I didn’t have one, but I have eyeglasses that I don’t use anymore. So I just had the lenses changed. Since I didn’t want the lenses to be too dark, I chose a lighter shade, a 25F according to the scale that was shown to me at Sarabia Optical.

Aside from hiding your reddish eyes, the shades also remind you not to scratch or touch your eyes, thus preventing the spread of the virus or bacteria to others.

3. You get to stay at home. Staying at home may not be that exciting for some people, especially since you may not be able to do anything because your eyes hurt. But it can be an opportunity to bond with your family.

In my case, I got to play with my 15-month-old daughter, Ariadne. She was the one who infected me with the virus in the first place. Everytime I get home, she would run to me and poke my eyes and say “Eyes!” Then she would laugh. It’s a good thing she was cured of the ailment much more quickly than me and my wife.

So we got to play and cuddle but avoided the eye-poking. I wore my shades at home. We also had picture-taking sessions wearing shades.

4. You get to practice eye contact. Since people would tend to look at you twice, it’s the perfect opportunity to communicate with your eyes.

Usually, one eye gets badly hit by the virus, while the other awaits attack. So one eye may appear to be partly squinting because of the swelling. Here’s what you do: Look at the mirror and practice squinting the other unaffected eye. That way your eyes would look the same. If you get quizzical looks, you can just say that a speck of dust launched itself into one of your eyes earlier.

In any case, more eye contact will improve your relationships. It’s been said that more eye contact implies intelligence and confidence. So, yes, you can actually fake intelligence.

Just one exception: Don’t try to make eye contact with a drunken man on the street. That would be stupidity.

So enjoy your sore eyes. But don’t infect others–not unless they’re your enemies.

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